what i’d really like is for someone to objectively watch me for a week or so and then just sit down with me for a few hours and explain to me what i am like and how i look to others and what my personality is in detail and how i need to improve where do i sign up for that
Three characters might be enough to sum up everything going through my head right now but I’m gotta do what I do and vomit over my keyboard hoping for feelings to come out with the rest of the gloop.
As I was filming this last scene, I could not help but feel a deep sadness for what was to come. It was inevitable after all, of course it was, Kevin Tran advanced placement of Neighbor Michigan was supposed to die a less than heroic death by the end of Supernatural’s 7th season. Sam and Dean would take a moment to sigh in regret and then move on as they should and we would have done the same. This show was supposed to be nothing to me… but it became everything.
It’s weird to stop and think just how far Kevin has come since I first met him and how much he’s been able to accomplish in such a short time. He’s lost everything and everyone he’s ever known, forced to run and hide and at such a young age, you kinda wonder how else he was ever gonna rest in peace.
They said every prophet was supposed to have an archangel tethered to them for divine intervention should there be danger. Chuck had Raphael to protect him from Lilith but by the time Kevin had become the prophet, the arch angels were either dead or locked away. I like to think that the SPNFamily had been Kevin’s angels all along and the biggest reason for his survival. I thank you for that. These thoughts were swimming through my head as I lay there on the floor in darkness.
I had prosthetics on my eyes so I couldn’t see, nor could my eyes be seen. That was for the best because it was in those moments that I said my farewells. To the studio, the houseboat, the Men of Letters bunker where I spent so much time. To craft services, the caterers, and the candy tray, where I spent even more time. To the faces I’ve gotten so used to seeing over the last two years, I had to say “see ya later” because I just couldn’t bring myself to say goodbye, all the while hoping that the glue holding my eye pieces in place weren’t in jeopardy of dissolving.
It’s been an amazing ride and though I knew it was coming, it’s still this strange sensation that I can’t quite readily describe in this mindset. I’ve met so many wonderful people and I’ve made so many memories I’ll cherish for a lifetime.. but it’s that time where I say my thanks and take that last step into the fandom and let that world envelop me as I continue to support the show and the fans that have changed my life. Thank you for everything you’ve done, everything you’re doing, and everything you continue to do. Thank you.
And yes, I do think #KevinLives. In all of our hearts :)
I JUST WANT TO BE ABLE TO GET NICE TATTOOS AND TRAVEL AND GO TO LOADS OF CONCERTS AND MEET NEW PEOPLE AND VISIT AMAZING PLACES AND COSY COFFEE SHOPS AND ADOPT CUTE PUPPIES AND SLEEP IN THE BACK OF A TRUCK WITH A PLETHORA OF BLANKETS AND STAR GAZE AND TAKE PICTURES OF NICE THINGS AND JUST NOT CARE ABOUT ANYTHING
1. Always carry $5 and a lighter with you (even if you don’t smoke).
2. Ask every person you meet how their day is going. Genuinely ask with the sole intention of learning how their day is. Ask the coffee shop employee. Ask the person next to you in line at Walmart. Ask your distant friend. Ask everyone.
3. Take many photos of yourself. Take photos of yourself when you’re happy. Take photos of yourself when you’re sad. Take photos of yourself because there are millions of trees in the world, and we all look at the same sky, but there is only one of you.
4. Stay in contact with your parents. Try not to hate them. They are the reason you have the ability to feel anything at all. Try not to hate your parents.
5. Opening your skin will not set your demons free. Open your heart. Open your mind. Open your hands.
6. Nobody knows anybody completely. That’s okay.
7. Be gentle, but be aggressive. Take a stand. Nobody hears your voice if you stay silent.
8. Respect everybody. We are all humans trying to survive. We all deserve respect.
9. Wearing black will ALWAYS make you feel better about yourself.
10. Always give tips, whether it be a couple extra dollars or a piece of mind. You never know how much you could be helping someone.
11. Change is the only thing consistent in life. Do not allow that bother you. Embrace chance and move with life, whichever direction it chooses to take you.
12. Smile often. Smile at strangers. Smile at your friends. Smile when nobody is looking and you’re alone in your bedroom. Smile when somebody is rambling to you.
13. Body image means nothing. Your body is merely just a seatbelt in the car. Your body is here to protect you. You choose the direction you go, and your body will not hold you back. Only you can hold yourself back.
14. Don’t hold grudges. Don’t allow yourself to hate anybody. Forgive them. Learn to love them for the person you never got to see them to be. Believe that a beautiful human exists in that person. Wish them well.
15. Drink orange juice. Lot’s of it.
16. Don’t allow the opinions of others to choose your destiny. We are all simply trying to live our own life.
17. Sing all the time. Sing off key. Sing in a silly voice. Sing like you’re on stage. Sing no matter who is around. Singing is breathing for the soul. Sing.
18. Take time to think. Write your feelings down. Write letters to the people you love. Texting is overrated and not as heartfelt as a nice handwritten letter.
19. Live for yourself. Breathe for yourself. Do everything in your life for nobody but you. This is your life. This is it.